we're MOVING!!!!!!

well yes, moving(our bodies) together via zoom, but also, Aaron and i are moving(relocating) to LOS ANGELES. we bid adieu to our cozy corner of  Brooklyn april 30-

eeeeep!!! CH CH CHANGES...

needless to say, there are feels of all kinds, and so much to do! i am currently dipping in and out of going frozen by the sheer volume of everything in transit. i imagine this is how plants feel as they're being repotted. and, i can only hope, like a plant transplanted, this change will provide room to grow; the chance to shed the stuff and skins no longer nourishing; and the opportunity to cultivate different spaces, habits, and ways of being, inspired by a new environment, and unfamiliar circumstances.

thankfully, technology will allow some things to stay the same, most importantly this little community of moving. while the first two weeks of MAY will see a pause in *practice with sam*, my plan is to resume group zooms once i'm feeling grounded on the left coast. these weekly sessions have become such a special space of connection for me, which is to say, i hope you'll move along with me!!

until then, APRIL awaits. we're less than an hour away from safely saying SPRING's SPRUNG- i spy temps over 60 forecasted throughout the week in NYC!! the sun is up later and longer; the air is warmer and sweeter; the layers of heavy clothing and heavy feeling are beginning to lift; the buds and green leaves are timidly emerging. change, and movement, seems to be multiplying all around.

and whether it's the change in seasons, or the changes happening in your own life, should you feel the need to shake things out, shake things loose, know there's a zoom room ready to receive you. APRIL schedule is live; BURST THROUGH>>>

HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON SOON <3 

xxo sam

this month’s musing arrives in the form of things to consider as possible to do’s for expansion and inspiration in FEBRUARY-

1. To visit- Thierry Mugler at the Brooklyn Museum

2. To watch- Women Talking, All the Beauty and the Bloodshed, and Aftersun (these are all intense films, i def cried, but they will all stay with you after, in a positive way)

3. For a giggle- https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/your-personality-explained-by-your-annoying-household-habits

4. For your belly- https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1019882-twice-baked-potatoes?smid=ck-recipe-iOS-share (a new/old staple in our home these days, can dress up or down as much as you want!)

5. For the soul- THE PEACE OF WILD THINGS
   When despair for the world grows in me
   and I wake in the night at the least sound
   in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
   I go and lie down where the wood drake
   rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
   I come into the peace of wild things
   who do not tax their lives with forethought
   of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
   And I feel above me the day-blind stars
   waiting with their light. For a time
   I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
   —Wendell Berry

miss you, love you, hope to see you soon!!

xxo sam

and just like that, another year, wrapped!

well, almost anyway- just 31 days until 2022 bids adieu, and 2023 makes it's debut. a pocket of time ripe with the excitement, pressures, and busy-ness of celebration and reflection, closing out, starting anew.

time inevitably marches on, the world keeps turning, as it always has, and we twirl along with it, journeying through time, space and the cosmos in our fleshy body suits, aboard this vessel called earth.

and while our experience of time, space, and the cosmos is as varied, complex, and unique as our dynamic identities, we all have a body and call earth our home. these two things unite us as human beings as we go about our business being human.

so much of what i hope to accomplish with this little community, as i understand it now, is to make space for humanness, to practice and engage being, and tap into the innate wisdom of our bodies, because when we are able to do these things i really believe the world, or at least our experience of it, becomes better.

that being said, our experience of the world, and the reality we face as earthlings, are not one and the same. as much as we might find success in improving our experience through practice, movement, deep breathing, awareness, acceptance, building strength, taking rest, cultivating kindness, peace, joy etc. - our very existence is wholly dependent on the place we call home, and our relationship to it.

the bottom line? we need the earth, it doesn't need us, making no mistake that it is us that needs saving, not earth. no doubt the earth will persist, in spite of us, evolving as it has for millenia. it is, however, up to us to do better, to shift our relationship with earth, so that we might persist along with it.

so fellow humans, as you make your way through the last 31 days of 2022, and prepare to step into the 365 days, 52 weeks, and 12 months that will soon be 2023, remember to take care of your body, to make space for your being, to acknowledge your humanness. but perhaps, most of all, take greater care, make more space, and acknowledge more deeply how you might better relate to, and appreciate, the thing we all need most of all: our collective vessel and home, earth.

xxo sam

i have always loved a good scare, and firmly believe in the power of a scream fest, a spine-chilling thrill, to clear the psychic humors. but considering *all the things*, these days i don't need to seek out a haunted house to feel my skin crawl, rattle my bones, jump three feet in the air, let out a shriek. and while reading the news, and facing hard truths about what needs to be done to keep each other safe, happy and free is reaching horror movie levels of freaky, i am strangely hopeful-

because there is power in being able to name our demons; in knowing there are monsters lurking; in understanding our proximity to doom and disaster. the dread we face is real- there is no denying the precipice, the abyss, our current trajectory is throttling us towards.

it is precisely this awareness that can, will, and has emboldened us to take action, to each do what we are able, to change the writing on the wall, to take control of the nightmare unfolding. if this was a horror movie, we’re at the point in the plot where the main characters are in montage, furiously planning their escape, gathering all the necessary materials to vanquish the big bad; or when the most unlikely of heroes reveals themselves, rising up from some impossible scenario to overcome their deepest, darkest fear, and kick some serious ass.

so while spooky season hits differently this year, given the onslaught of alarming realities nationally and globally, we can use our fear as fuel, recognizing that sometimes it takes being engulfed in the darkness to figure out exactly what we're made of. as Buffy Summers once said, "there is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil- and that’s us.”

let's muster our collective strength, pick up the metaphorical axe, and take down the beast.

happy hunting ;)

xxo sam

just gonna play it straight with this missive and share that i'm really freakin' excited to travel overseas again, FINALLY, after 3+ years of staying stateside bc of the pandemmy. next week i will be in Germany for a hot 9 days visiting friends and a city-wide art festival in Kassel, check it out- https://documenta-fifteen.de.

growing up outside the US, travel has been part of my life since i was 6mos old, and i can't say enough how much experiencing the world and how other people live has impacted me as a person, and my practice of curiosity, kindness, and compassion. global travel is a privilege that i wish everyone could engage, not only for the sheer delight of it, but for all the ways it expands one's awareness and understanding.

certainly travel is much harder these days given that the pandemic is far from over (plus everything else that is happening around the world), and i do have reservations/concerns re the impact of travelling for funsies during such a sensitive time. as i waffled back and forth between should or shouldn't i, i realized the following-

1) the state of the world, and of life, is always going to be mixed, complicated, murky. no moment in time is the perfect time. all we can do is make choices/decisions that cause the least harm, while maximizing joy and expansion.

2) you gotta lean into the serendipitous- if it's meant to be, things often unfold naturally; magic happens when you keep your mind/heart open to the path that opens up at your feet. when my friend Robertio emailed me months ago about possibly taking this trip i wrote it off bc pandemic/finances; then in early July i read an article in the NYT that an Indonesian art collective (shout out to my mama's motherland) is directing Documenta this year; feeling a pull to experience the work of Indonesian artists on the world stage i checked the dates Roberto was planning to go, and wouldn't you know it, those were pretty much the dates i could swing a trip. after that the breadcrumbs kept landing at my toe tips, from impossibly cheap airfare, to friends offering places to stay (extra loud shout out to Emily and Roberto for helping to make this travel fantasy a reality).

3) life is for living. it is absolutely your responsibility to live it. period.

so that's where i'm at, and that's where i'll be!

until i see you next, my hope is that we all continue to make our way through the thick of it, find ways to lean into what's meant for us, and live our lives in the fullest possible way, whatever that looks like!

LIVE IT UP
MAKE JOY
STAY KIND
and see you on the other side...
xxo sam

the world is full of much to despair, our existence is rife with gloom, doom and suffering. the weight we carry, personally and otherwise, is enough to pull the best of us under. whether you read, watch or scroll, shit is just going from bad to worse- so much seems to be moving backwards that it can feel as though we are moving backwards ourselves.

this is what makes our continuity as a species so awesome, and frankly, miraculous. despite the enormous pressures and obstacles to progress we consistently face, we persist. we meet challenges and setbacks, big and small, daily; we stand up to adversity, with acts of resistance and kindness; sometimes, we even beat the odds, in ways that can only be described as miraculous. because on our better days, we are miraculous. we really can make the impossible, happen.

by reveling in one end of our human spectrum or the other - lost in our shadow or blinded by our light - we tend to overlook the many, necessary and natural versions of ourselves it takes to get to where we are, and to where we want to be.

evolution is a strange and messy process - consider the platypus.

as the days become longer, and brighter, i hope we can all give ourselves a little grace in our growing, and to extend the same to others, because we’re all just somewhere on the spectrum, we’re all human, we struggle, we persevere, and miracles happen, every single day.

YOU ARE MIRACULOUS!
xxo sam

स्थिरसुखमासनम्॥४६॥
sthirasukhamāsanam||46||
the pose/posture (āsanam) (should be) firm/steady (sthira) and sweet/pleasant (sukham)
—the Yoga Sutras of Patañjali, 2.46

in my experience, american culture largely frames duality as two separate things at odds or in conflict. think good and bad; right and wrong; even man and woman.

in my understanding of yoga philosophy, dualities, binaries and multiplicity can function in opposition, but are better understood as fragments of a whole, all of which are necessary for balance, harmony, and ultimately, fullness.

sutra 2.46, one of the well-known aphorisms from the widely excerpted Yoga Sutras of Patañjali, illustrates this point well.

sthira and sukha each hold a myriad of possible and subtly different definitions when translated. the beauty of the Sanskrit language is its allowance for many meanings, dependent on context, and the choices inherent to the act of translating. that being said, generally speaking: sthira > steady, sukha > sweet. sutra 2.46 uses these two adjectives to describe the asana (pose) ideal for the pursuit of yoga.

the pose must be both steady and sweet.

striking the balance or finding harmony between steadiness and sweetness?
that is the practice.

like mixing colors to achieve a desired shade, the right amounts of sthira and sukha are required to be successful in yoga. and figuring out the right amount is challenging because none of us is exactly the same. we are born unique. where i might need to engage more sthira in my warrior 2, your particular physical structure, and constellation of experience, might require more sukha. and even more frustrating? these formulas are not fixed; they change as we do, fluctuating with the shifting context of our lives, and our experience of an asana at the specific time of practice. nothing ever stays the same. everything is always changing. as life expands, contracts, flows, so must our poses. so must we.

sthira, sukha, and asana are in constant conversation. in perpetuity.

for me, sutra 2.46 lends itself to so much more than finding the ideal warrior 2. learning how to establish a pose with the right amount of steadiness and sweetness gives us tools for finding the same in our day to day, where it really matters. our approach to asana is practice, not only for our physical structure, but also for striking the appropriate balance between firmness and ease in our postures and attitudes in life.

sthirasukhamasanam.

over time, with repetition, a practice becomes discipline, and we grasp just how delicate the balance between sthira and sukha can be; we appreciate the skill required to bring them into harmony, within and with others, setting the foundation for more compassionate interactions with ourselves and those around us. if we are able to give ourselves grace, to make space to calibrate sthira and sukha, we are better equipped to do the same for another.

what would the world look like if we took more time to regularly ask ourselves, and each other- more sthira? more sukha?

in the coming months, as we navigate the ebb and flow of the ongoing pandemic, and our varying responses to it; as we continue to untangle the knot of imperialism, colonialism, capitalism, racism, patriarchy, misogyny, queer and transphobia; as we manuever through violence towards peace; i hope we are able to do so with sthira and sukha, and to allow for the space and time to consider what is most necessary to achieve balance, harmony, and fullness, for us all.

xxo sam

in the tradition of yoga, one of the many paths of practice is that of भक्ति or bhakti, widely translated in the west as love, devotion, worship. perhaps the most well-known bhakti yogis are the Hare Krishnas, often found in Union Square chanting, singing, and dancing as expressions of their faith and love for lord Krishna. in the same way that some folks engage asana (poses) to achieve a state of yoga, the Hare Krishnas chant, sing and dance to find their connection, bliss, union.

when looking up the definition of bhakti in the the Sanskrit dictionary, it's interesting to note that beyond the aforementioned notions of love/devotion/worship, are the terms 'attachment', and 'being a part of'. certainly, to love is to form an attachment to someone or something; to love is an act of choosing to be a part of something beyond or within the self. but love can and should also be recognized in, and expressed to, all the people, places and things that have become part of us, outside more traditional romantic or spiritual sensibilities.

february is synonymous with love- valentines day falling right in the middle of the month. and while the day largely skews towards the celebration of romantic love, other kinds of love have been rightfully included as worthy of celebrating. i am a big fan of the galentines day movement where romance rebels of the femme persuasion choose instead to celebrate the love shared between besties, or the option to make the 14th a day to indulge in self-care as self-love, celebrating the often neglected M-E, me!

this february i hope you make space to celebrate love; to acknowledge that which you are devoted/attached to; to worship what you are a part of, what is a part of you. whether it's a grand romance, an important friendship, a needed tribute to self, or perhaps a smaller gesture for that quieter love between you and the people, places and things that have become an inextricable part of you and your daily rhythms. think the garbage man who clears your refuse weekly, the park you frequent regularly, that favorite meal you haven't made in a while. love shows up in our lives in so many ways, big and small, it just takes an open heart to notice it, receive it, and spread it around.

happy love month lovebugs- know that i love you, and hold you dearly in my heart.

xxo sam

we enter the final month of the year 2021, just 31 days until a whole new cycle begins- cue the wellspring of self-reflection and resolutions.

marking the passage of time while trying to make sense of what it all means (and what to do next) is both foolish and significant. foolish because we can’t really know what the meaning of things are until more time passes, and the effects of an event, epiphany, act etc. are fully measured; significant because this what we humans do- as time goes and life happens, we are compelled to make sense of it, so that we can make sense of ourselves.

what am i doing?

who am i?

if what we do, over time, helps define who we are, life becomes a never ending exercise in creation, reflection, refinement and repetition, all happening constantly and simultaneously.

*you ever hear that saying that you can't write and edit at the same time? well, that's exactly what it feels like i'm doing all of the time…yikes.

as time keeps passing, and life keeps unfolding, the puzzle of meaning- of life, and of self- keeps coming together then falling apart, over and over and over again.

time passes,
shit happens,
things change,
we change,
an infinite loop.

its maddening and beautiful;
exhausting and exhilarating.

understanding and accepting all of the above has been my most challenging practice this year. a few thoughts i’m continue to grapple with:

how do i feel grounded while acknowledging that everything and everyone, myself included,
is in process,
exists on a spectrum that always can shift?

how do i make my next move,
if nothing and no one is fixed?

what is real,
if everything and everyone is always changing?

this wobbly terrain is destabilizing, which, for someone like me, perpetually seeking balance,

equanimity,

peace-
is exasperating.

and yet,
a swinging landscape also offers the permission to stumble-

if the ground underfoot keeps shifting, isn’t a tumble inevitable?
by design?

perhaps,

we were always meant to fall-

we fall

so that
we get up.

this is how we,
and the world,
evolve.

one step forward,
many steps back.
a leap.
a crash.
a different direction.

again
and again-
we land,

now
after
now

and each time,
a new me

arises
arrives
begins

to be human.

think of it this way:

life is the dress rehearsal and the opening night every day that we live it-

every experience is the opportunity to practice at being human,
to land a stunning debut as a human, being.

let's give ourselves,
and everyone else,
training space to get it right,
the main stage, to shine.

here’s to a great closing month for 2021-
break a leg;

to another 31 days to practice for 2022-
hope to see you soon!!

xxo sam

september 26, 2021 marked one year of PRACTICEwithSAM going live(virtual).

wow wow WOW.

what a wild ride it has been!!

first and foremost, so much gratitude to you all for supporting me as i ventured into the unknown territory of working outside the established studio system. this path hasn’t been easy, but after a decade of working for others, it has been liberating to do things on my own terms, none of which would have been possible without YOU!!! so thank you. thank you for reading this little newsletter and sending me your responses. for showing up, popping on zoom sessions and donating what you are able. thank you for signing up for one-on-ones. and an especially big thank you to the familiar faces i have come to look forward to seeing each week. you have all literally kept me going in the most uncertain, unpredictable and challenging of times. you have kept me afloat, and not just by helping to put meals in my belly and pay rent. your participation and practice has shown me that in a world that is constantly asking us to think bigger, go harder, scream louder, and when necessary be ruthless to survive and succeed, that it is possible to carry on with intention, integrity, compassion and kindness. and while the water i tread in these days feels much more like a pond than an ocean, i can see how in a world full of so many making waves, making ripples is an equally meaningful and worthwhile contribution towards change.

on that note, i am happy to share that in the past year our combined efforts have directed over $1500 to some very important organizations that continue to work diligently to ensure a brighter future for us all. i have listed these orgs below for your continued consideration in giving during the upcoming holiday seasons:

THE OKRA PROJECT
A DAY WITHOUT BLACK WOMXN SOLIDARITY FUND
THE SCHOMBURG CENTER FOR RESEARCH IN BLACK CULTURE
JON OSSOFF + REVEREND WARNOCK
VOIX NOIRE
FAIR FIGHT
MIXTECA
RED CANARY SONG
GIVE INDIA
THE FREEDOM THEATER
SISTER REACH
SWAN
WE WIELD THE HAMMER

i don’t know what the future holds. i don’t know if we’ll go back to the way things were. but hell, we’re still here, and we’re making it work. here's to many more years of chugging along together, one day, and one small ripple, at a time.

xxo sam

Everything is blooming most recklessly; if it were voices instead of colors, there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night. —Rainer Maria Rilke

my niece took her first steps last week. the video is priceless.

it opens on a delighted Ruby, standing proudly. in one hand she holds a small plush toy. the other grips tightly to a larger play structure for balance. a huge smile stretches ear to ear as she wobbles, glancing back and forth between her dad behind her, and her mom behind the screen in front of her. some gentle coaxing, a few adorable baby giggles, and she lets go of the toy that was helping her stand. teetering, she places one foot in front of the other, the smile on her face growing bigger and brighter as she gurgles gleefully, holding the plush toy, now with both hands as she walks. one step, and another, walking on her own for the very first time. the sound of loud cheers and applause fills the room.

every single day, little humans take their first steps. every day! and catching Ruby's first, albeit secondhand, i couldn't help but feel the excitement of her accomplishment. truly significant! of course, for parents, and aunties like me - those of us personally invested in the development of a particular tiny human figuring out the mechanics of their body and consciousness - these moments aren't just moments. they are the culmination of an everyday struggle. first Ruby had to learn how to hold up her head. then to lie on her belly. to crawl (though she pretty much skipped that step), stand, and finally, walk. Ruby’s first steps didn't just happen miraculously out of nowhere, they were the result of 14ish months of growth, and a whole lot of practice. months and months of falling and getting back up. failing and trying again. pushing past frustration that often ended in tears. plus developing all the right muscles and coordination, made possible only through repetition, and dogged perseverance. in 14ish months Ruby literally overcame what was previously impossible. i suppose that’s why it’s called a milestone.

first steps, milestones, they are happening all of the time. and when we are young, like Ruby, there are people there cheering us on, celebrating each new achievement, sharing in our excitement when we finally get the job done.

then, somewhere along the way, our first steps blend unceremoniously into next steps. and our milestones? they hover like a mirage, perpetually at a distance, somewhere towards the horizon; loom high, a steep incline, daunting, like Everest. as bigger humans, the time and effort it takes to succeed, to get from one moment worth celebrating to the next, can take years, even decades, and in some cases, feels as though we will be trudging, and climbing, forever; our oasis, or peak, always just out of reach, a reality that is overwhelmingly bleak. so bleak that we take to glorifying the struggle itself. patting ourselves and each other on the back for simply surviving the grind, the hustle, the rat race that is adult life. sometimes we even derive a strange sense of fulfillment, even pleasure, from cataloging how intense or unfavorable the conditions of our journey have become. wallowing in just how much harder the next step will be, how much more unsurmountable our circumstances are in comparison to others. ever start a convo with ‘you will not believe what just happened to me’?

somewhere along the way our milestones become pits of despair. because - to borrow the sentiments of Olivia Rodrigo - god, it’s brutal out here.

perhaps we can take a page from our youth, and show ourselves the same enthusiasm we do for our littles. the next time things feel particularly brutal or bleak - those days when you're Sisyphus pushing a boulder up a neverending slope, or when you feel stuck, like you’ve fallen into a hole a thousand times over and aren’t sure why you keep getting up... lift your head. crawl. get yourself standing. put one foot in front of the other. and most importantly, each time that you do, don't just dust yourself off, give yourself a big f’ing round of applause. celebrate every step, because each has the potential to be the first in a better direction. and each one you've already taken? well, it got you to right where you are, and that too deserves big cheers and applause, is itself a cause for celebration.

my final thoughts:
make your own milestones.
revel in them unabashedly.
and maybe make them closer together, a little less mountain-esque, a little more mole-hill. it’s a way to make the bleak and the brutal, more beautiful; a way to honor how we are all, tiny or big, blooming most recklessly, each and every day.

xxo sam

first things first...

1) the boot lives (my bones grow slow) but i will not let these circumstances stop me! zoom sessions will continue despite my sedentary status. i am also taking this moment to share my personal commitment to having a hot girl summer, and i hope you will join me!

2) zoom sessions will take a small pause JUNE 10 thru JUNE 17 while i-make-it-work-camping-while-crutched at me/Aaron's annual Lake George getaway. like i said, i will not be stopped. as always, recorded sessions are available to rent, by donation, just make sure to make your requests by JUNE 9 bc i will be fully off the grid 6/10-18. first session back will be sat 6/19, full schedule of JUNE sessions below, and on my website.

which leads us to, in no particular order, items and activities to consider as part of your hot person summer starter pack:
watermelon.
shorts.
hotdogs & hamburgers.
the beach.
popsicles.
hiking.
iced coffee.
storm king art center.
hammocks.
soft-serve ice-cream.
picnics.
park hangs.
frozen drinks.
camping.
bathing suits.
BBQs.
sandals.
a glass of wine at sunset.
grilled corn.
swimming, in all forms.
outdoor concerts.
late night strolls.
the botanical gardens.
iced barley tea.

please share any additional items/activities that you would recommend for a successful hottie summer season, and let's get to it bebes!! show up and show out!!! chase joy, seek out what inspires, and most importantly eat it, wear it, and do the damn thing!!!! these are the months to go big, get out there and maximize all the light that inevitably comes with the heat... fingers crossed i see you at the beach <3

happy summer!!

xxo sam

OH JOY! here comes the sun!!!

the days are getting longer and brighter! the air is warmer! the chilly temps and weighty layers are beginning to melt away- anyone else feel like they’re ripping open a cocoon when the winter months start to fade?

i am very much a warm seasons human. i thrive in the heat; dry or sticky. i live for the thick salty breeze at the beach, and the feeling of the sun, prickly hot on my skin.....................

***RECORD SCRATCH

SO-
i started writing this musing last week....BEFORE i took a wee tumble down the stairs and broke my foot.
AGAIN.
UGH.
ya girl is a bone-a-fide (had to do it) klutz!

and as much as i was prepared to feel completely down in the dumps, the reality of the pandemic, and my past experience with this particular ailment (not even joking, i broke my other foot two years ago), has me perfectly poised to embrace this rather unfortunate pivot. i am quite practiced at staying at home (lol), and bc i’ve been broken footed before, i have the tools to share movement using only my words and gestures... so *shameless plug* please keep coming to group zooms! i'll be super bored/lonely without you!!

that being said, i also recognize that, no matter how you slice it, some situations, like the one i’m currently facing, just suck. breaking a bone/being immobile/insert-your-moment-here, SUCKS!!!!!! *a quick thank you to Sarah who reminded me it's important to acknowledge just how much things suck sometimes.

so yes, i'm prepared, this sucks... AND
1) so much more has sucked so much harder this year...we pushed through. this sucky moment has a flip side too!
2) my foot bone will heal, and will, in fact, be stronger for it-
3) which reminds me of Britney Spears' STRONGER, a full damn anthem; please click here to re-live this gem of a song/music video, the chair work is FIRE!

so, dear ones, no matter what this season brings you- crossing my fingers it’s more sun, and less suck- i hope you see the ways in which you have been made stronger by all your experiences, and perhaps especially so by those that fractured, cracked and even crumbled you...

crossing my fingers i see you soon in a zoom room!
with love-
xxo sam

as january 2021 comes to a close i find myself fully feeling the realness of everything we are and have been surviving during the last ten months of this pandemic. how strange it is to experience something this tremendous so collectively, and at the same time, so utterly on our own.

i am lucky to live with a partner, two sweet kitty fuzz-mos, and a brumating turtle, to whom much of my joy and sanity is owed, and yet there are moments when even this blessed set of circumstances only serves to highlight how much of my experience is entirely mine, and no one else's. spending so much time with just one other person makes one's own quirks unbearably plain. and with nowhere to go, and my (kind, amazing, supportive) partner as a constant mirror and other to my own self, i have no place to hide from my intense me-ness. it feels like i am, in a strange way, coming to terms with myself, my real self, warts and all, for the very first time. i can only imagine what this experience is like for the folks who are isolating alone, facing themselves in the daunting vacuum of self as mirror, other and i. woof.

on top of all that, every single day, we as individuals are also making decisions for ourselves that affect ALL of the people around us. we are constantly weighing and balancing the importance of our-self (health, wealth, sanity etc) versus everyone else's. even if we don't KNOW, we know that what the i chooses to do has a real, life or death impact on all the yous that aren't me. this takes a real toll on the psyche. and while our current situation is unusual in the acuteness of it's felt gravity, the ripple effect of the i on the you, and the us on each other, has always been true.

we are hopelessly and powerfully interconnected.

this is the realness i cannot unsee. our connection to each other is what brought us collectively to our knees. and in that sense, perhaps we needed to be isolated from each other, maybe we needed to feel so utterly alone, so that we might remember how much we need each other, how much we need to protect one and other, how much we need to work together to make the project of humanity, our humanity, work.

FEBRUARY is BLACK HISTORY MONTH, and i would be remiss not to acknowledge the contributions made by the Black community historically, at their own expense, for the tangled project of america to carry on. the debt we owe is unpayable. and despite the inhuman ways we continue to treat Black people in this country, it is Black people who are leading the charge in reminding us what it is to be human.

take for example the incomprable STACEY ABRAMS, an incredible Black femme who showed us exactly the power one person has in recognizing our force as a collective, and the importance of remembering that every voice matters. instead of running for senate in 2020, STACEY ABRAMS established FAIR FIGHT, an organization that inspired thousands to act, and whose collective efforts effectively flipped the state of Georgia, and with it, the Senate, blue. STACEY ABRAMS decision to ripple outward for the collective via FAIR FIGHT and it's campaigns to educate, encourage voter participation, and protect the vote, not only impacted a whole state, but also our whole dang country, and the efficacy of our federal government to meet its largely failed premise of being of the people, by the people, for the people. one person did that. and that one person is also just a person, like you, and like me, with all her own complexities, wants, and needs.

STACEY ABRAMS deserves our applause and admiration, as do all the Black folks out there making this place we call home better for us all. but it's not STACEY ABRAMS or the Black community's responsibility to step in as the hero of our epic story. there is no one individual, or community, that can fix the mess we find ourselves in, together, and it's unfair to expect that of anyone. we have, collectively, time and time again, taken the easy route of propping up a savior or villian, one person, or one group of people, we can hedge all our bets on to make things better, or blame for the terrible conditions we find ourselves in.

what we can learn from the example of STACEY ABRAMS, from the BLACK LIVES MATTER movement that was galvanized by the murder of GEORGE FLOYD, and from the Black community that has survived america against all odds, its that real power lies in each individual's ability to act, and to act with the collective in mind.

so, for the month of FEBRUARY, i start by celebrating each and every one of you for your actions, for your contributions, no matter how small. you too are make ripples that have made it easier from someone in your life to laugh, to move forward, to breathe. i deeply thank those of you who have popped into a zoom to move with me, and to those of you who have donated so generously to support me, and my ability to support others. last month, together, we raised $148 for VOIX NOIRE. this month 20% of all donations from group zooms will be redirected to FAIR FIGHT- because as much relief as i feel

that president JOE BIDEN and vice president KAMALA HARRIS successfully took over the white house, they too can only do so much. they too are only just people, each with their own unique complexities... and the fight for ourselves, and for each other, for humanity, yours and mine, is just getting started, and at the very least, i'm hoping it will be something closer to fair.

xxo sam

2020's time is nigh, the FINAL COUNTDOWN is ON. 31 days until this trash fire year is behind us. THANK THE LORT.

and while i'm very much looking forward to the fresh hope of a new year, i also know that the single numerical shift from 20 to 21 is largely symbolic- everything we lost, learned, reimagined and recalibrated this year will carry over into the next. the legacy of systemic racism and the ongoing pandemic, as well as all our own personal struggles, will not magically be resolved when the clock strikes midnight on December 31st. but you already knew this!

so, what does a new year offer us, and how can we best use this, the month preceding it?

POSSIBILITY- for me a new year is full of possibilities. and 2021 perhaps more so than others precisely because this past year proved so much that anything and everything is horrifyingly possible. like a schoolhouse bully 2020 pushed us down into the mud of one insane possibility after another. well, school is out, and recess is definitely over, and NOW is the time we have to pick ourselves up. NOW is the time we tenderly carry ourselves home. NOW is the time we peel off our mud stained clothes, take a hot bath and remember exactly who the hell we are underneath all the muck and the mire. why? because the world needs us. the world needs each and every one of us to keep doing exactly what we are already doing, to keep being exactly what we already are... human.

perhaps this final month of 2020 is the time to practice preserving our humanity, individually and collectively. so that when 2021 rolls up, we can look it right in the eye, and from a very human heart decide what possibilities we choose to amplify, and the ones we respectfully set aside, all while keeping our freshly laundered clothes clean, or dare i say pristine! well, a gal can hope (but also maybe say a little prayer that 2021 is more like a kindhearted and super supportive teacher, and not another bully hell bent on torment).

here’s hoping we practice being human together in cyberspace!

sending love
xxo sam

the rules are always the same:
-read the whole damn thing. there will be no quiz. no gold star. 
-read the bolded lines. thems the really important bits!
-don't read it at all!
the choice, always, is yours.

(1) reminder to self-
there are good people, good places
there are good moments, good memories
there really is goodness
for a reason
for every season
for lifetimes

(2) suggested reading- "Breonna Taylor and Perpetual Black Trauma" / NYT 
we live in a system that operates by methodically devaluing human life. 
a system that monetizes joy, grief, and everything in between. 
a system that values antiquated ideas over lived realities. 
a system that is ruthless and heartless in its pursuit of success, dominance, and superiority. 

BREONNA TAYLOR’s life was worth more than a number or loophole. 

BLACK LIVES MATTER.

y’all we are living in a matrix, 
with real people yelling in our face that there is a bigger struggle, 
that real people’s lives are being systematically made to suffer, 
are being erased. 

this does not diminish our individual experiences of hardship. 
but it does require us to do more than wake up. 

if we continue with the movie analogy the next step would be to,
‘follow the white rabbit’ (to bite Ru Paul’s lexicon, why it gotta be white?),
and ‘take the blue or red pill’.

but if i can attest to anything it’s that following is overrated and too often leads to danger;
and that it really is imperative to chew on something for while before swallowing, 
if you get my meaning.

so, in lieu of a quick follow or fix,
i’m choosing to practice asking the following questions:

what more can i learn, and lean into?
what/how can i lead, first for myself, and then maybe with and for others?
what is something i’ve woken up to/am learning that i can make a practical part of my lived reality?

ask for suggestions! share your own! here's one way to start doing daily: bit.ly/strikeforbreonna and/or volunteer

(3) yoga thoughts-
vivian asked some very good questions in response to my welcome missive. thank you vivian for sending your queries in, and for letting me share them with the group!! below find vivian's questions in italics, and my responses in not:

i think this […] leaves me with more questions than answers around what a yoga teacher is or is not. would you think nobody in the western world should be calling themselves a yoga teacher now then? or what are the qualities or beliefs that would actually make someone able to own that? or is the whole construct of that purely a commercialized thing and has never historically otherwise been a thing? 

ok, first of all, phew ME TOO! so many questions over answers. and maybe that's the point, that there isn't an easy answer, it just always depends on circumstance and context. the thing i keep coming back to is that traditionally Yoga and yoga is shared by a guru, a spiritual leader, a founder or longtime disciple of a particular lineage of philosophy and practice. classically, to be a guru of Yoga is a serious and sacred commitment. once initiated the disciple and their spiritual development becomes the responsibility of the guru, which means the guru agrees to take on any karma (action; cause and effect) incurred by the disciple as their own. sometimes a set of ideas and practices established and shared by a guru becomes codified as a lineage, and the task of sharing of this tried praxis more broadly is taken on by a longtime disciple, often times with the blessing of the guru/founder, and often times without. i can only speak for myself in saying that none of these paths i can claim comfortably or happily as my own. i am not a spiritual teacher or leader. i am sans a guru or lineage. for these reasons i don't feel comfortable identifying as a yoga teacher, but i also don't feel comfortable determining who can or can't call themselves one. i think it's up to each person to determine based on their context and what feels authentic to them, and what identifier is appropriate to take on. i also think vivian's insight that the construct and commercialization of 'yoga teacher' as a byproduct of the commodification of yoga feels very real, a paradigm i am increasingly wary of with the advent of social media and the ways we can now objectify, curate and monetize the self, as 'yoga teacher' or otherwise. i hope that makes sense? and if this ramble provokes more awesome questions, email, share, i love the idea of continuing a dialog!

(4) feel free to email any thoughts, concerns, questions! 

(5) HAPPY SPOOKTOBER

thank you for you!!
xxo sam